15 (vegan-friendly) gifts for your saddest friend
As the resident young hot cancer-widow in my social circle, for 99% of my friends, I am their saddest friend. So, if you have a friend who is mourning (or severely depressed) I feel pretty confident in saying I know a thing or two about gifts for the grieving that are going to be more useful and practical than another casserole or bouquet of flowers (although those things are lovely).
My friends did a great job of supporting me when grief was fresh, and have continued to support me while I integrate grief into my life. But I know at times they struggled to know how to help me, because at times even I didn’t know what I needed. I’ve definitely learned a thing or two (or 15) about the items I found helpful when I was at my darkest, and I want to share them with you so you have an easier time supporting your loved one.
So from one very sad girl, here is my top gift picks for your saddest friend:
Weighted blanket or cozy throw: Weighted blankets can help with anxiety and insomnia (source), which can be very common during grief. My favorite is this knitted cotton one from Canadian brand, Silk & Snow, which comes in a variety of colours to match their decor.
Face wipes: Basic hygiene and self-care can really suffer when severely depressed. Sometimes all you can do at the end of the day (or late afternoon even) is drop into bed, which is where I found these wipes handy. I loved the smell of these Pacifica ones, and I like that these ones from Burt Bee’s are from recycled cotton.
Body wipes/shower wipes: For much the same reason that face wipes are useful, shower wipes are also very convenient - sometimes a shower is just too much, but you still don’t wanna stink anymore. I loved the smell of these Yuni shower sheets, and they are nice and large as the name implies. (They are also handy to keep in your gym!)
Things to make crying more comfortable: Plush tissues go a long way when crying a lot. Check out my blog post on these other items that will also help.
Heated blanket/magic bag: Along with my weighted blanket, I found a heating pad very helpful for helping with stress, and to comfort me at night. I have this one, and I find it heats up fast and the auto-shut off is very helpful. If you’re looking for something that doesn’t need an outlet, I’d suggest a classic magic bag.
Canned chili/canned soup/frozen meals: People will bring lots of casseroles and baking when you first lose someone. But, you can only eat so much food at a time. I found things that could be frozen, or canned items, extremely helpful in ensuring I was eating relatively nutritious food, even when I couldn’t bear to go to a grocery shop and was too depressed to cook. My dietician friend stocked me up with this vegan chili from Costco and it’s so good that I still buy it today.
Silk hair scrunchie: If you haven’t gathered this yet, I struggled with self-care when I was deep in grief. I spent a lot of time with my hair tied up in a bun. If your friend is anything like me, they’ll benefit from a satin scrunchie to help keep their hair from tangling, and to protect it from friction. I bought mine at a local small boutique, but you can also try these ones by Canadian brand, The Green Kiss.
Gift card to restaurant/Skip the Dishes: Much like canned goods, a gift card is basically a non-perishable meal that can be used when you don’t have the energy to grocery shop or cook.
Gift a TV service or audiobook subscription (or give them your password): For much of my grief journey, I barely had the energy (or will, honestly) to do anything other than numb out in front of the TV. But it’s only so long before you feel like you’ved watched everything Netflix has to offer, so if you can gift or lend a subscription service for audiobooks or a TV service they don’t already have, you’ll be doing them a solid in terms of variety.
List of your favourite YouTube channels and podcasts (note if they are heavy or light): Much like the subscription idea above, a list of your favourite YouTube channels and podcasts provides entertainment inspiration for your friend. Be sure to note if they're heavy or light, so your friend can choose what feels most appropriate for their mood. If you know the plot might be triggering for them, make sure to note it or leave it off the list all together.
Yoga classes: Yoga can be a gentle way to move the body to ease tension and release endorphins. Grief-specific yoga classes can provide a safe and supportive space for your friend to practice self-care, and can also bring them into contact with others that are going through a similar experience. The online classes I took (and found very helpful and gentle) are by Yoga for Grief Support.
Massage: A massage can help ease physical tension and provide a sense of relaxation and comfort. Be forewarned though, sometimes releasing muscles can trigger a release of emotion as well - I cried through my first massage after losing my husband. However, a good massage therapist will understand and make space for those emotions.
Journal: Writing can be a powerful tool for processing emotions and finding clarity. Providing your friend with a journal can encourage them to express themselves or even to record memories of their loved one.
Cleaning gift certificate: When we're depressed or grieving, even basic household tasks can feel overwhelming. A gift certificate for a cleaning service can take one less thing off your friend's plate, providing a sense of relief and support. If that’s not something you can afford but you’re a neat freak, you can even make them a homemade gift card for your services! (But make sure they use it!)
Meditation app: Meditation can be a helpful tool for managing stress and anxiety. A meditation app can provide guidance and support for your friend as they navigate difficult emotions. There are lots of options like Headspace and Calm—I personally like Stop Breathe Think.
Don't forget: If they are a close friend, your time is by far the most important gift. Call them at least weekly, text daily, watch movies together, take them for walks, run errands for or with them, sleep over and/or invite them for sleepovers, do art together (even just a colouring book), sign up for a weekly class if they are up for it, if they're grieving then talk to them about their loved one (say their name), go to a dog park, cook them dinner, etc. Don't forget special days that could be very hard (birthdays, deathdays, anniversaries, etc) so put them in your calendar so you don’t forget to reach out.
I hope this helps you feel more confident in supporting your saddest friend—even if that’s yourself.
-Kassia
